Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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