can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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