i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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