capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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