Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
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when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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