Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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