I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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