how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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