You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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