Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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