oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
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One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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