Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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