john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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