were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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