I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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