I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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