That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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