My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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