I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize