how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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