so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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