so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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