Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize