For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just found a bag of teeth...
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dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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