im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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