I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize