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Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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