I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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