I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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