i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize