so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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