nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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