hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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