I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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