If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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