Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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