Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize