u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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