ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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