i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize