I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize