p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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