my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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