My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize