We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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