Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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