OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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