We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize