I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize