Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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